


With Benefits

by Astronaut_Milky



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Alternate Universe - Career, Alzheimer's Disease, First Time, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Humor, Light Angst, M/M, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-01
Updated: 2018-01-08
Packaged: 2019-02-26 12:21:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 17,465
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13235649
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Astronaut_Milky/pseuds/Astronaut_Milky
Summary: “First rule, no emotions. The second either of us feels anything slightly romantic, we stop. Agreed?”“Agreed. Second rule, we tell no one at work.”“Standard. Third rule, this is a one time deal, and we stay friends after.”“Agreed."





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> LISTEN.  
> If there is one thing we should know by now, is that I don't write smut.  
> But I started writing this Friends With Benefits AU, and I totally forgot that the basis of this film was sex?  
> So here we are.  
> Many thanks to keraunoscopia and tobeconspicuous for supporting me and convincing me to actually keep going with this. Any good part is entirely due to their input!  
> Consider this chapter as entirely set-up for what's to come.
> 
> Kudos/comments are always appreciated!

Rafael hated running late. He hated it with a burning passion.

But if there was one thing he hated just as much, perhaps even more, was waking up in the morning. So that was how he found himself, having ignored his alarm for far too long, running incredibly late to work. Somehow he had managed to shave, brush his teeth, and ignore three phone calls from his mother, all while haphazardly pulling his clothes on. His only saving grace was that he didn’t fall on his face as he yanked his pants on, over his shoes, while running out the door.

He wasn’t even completely dressed, his shirt billowing as he collapsed into his Uber. Just when he thought his morning couldn’t be any more stressful, as he buttoned up his pants, his phone started vibrating.

“Rita, I haven’t had a coffee yet, this better be important,” he groaned, juggling his phone and his shirt, fumbling with the buttons.

_“Just double-checking you’ve sorted everything out. I don’t want you making a fool of me, Rafael.”_

He rolled his eyes. Of course Rita would want to still be involved somehow.

“You’ve given your recommendation, I’ve set up the interview. It’s up to your golden boy to work his magic now.” He held the phone to his ear with his shoulder as he began working on the tie.

 _“He’ll be fine. We’ve been prepping for weeks now.”_ Rafael took a deep breath, knowing exactly where she was about to go with this. _“Although normally he doesn’t need that much prep, if you know what I mean.”_

And there it was.

“Subtlety isn’t your forte. Neither is innuendo, for that matter.” He glanced into the rearview mirror, smoothing his hair down.

_“Just take care of the kid, Raf. He’s one of the good ones.”_

“I’ll do what I can,” he promised, almost believing himself.

  


 

By the time he reached his office, no one would have known he had stayed up late, wallowing in self-pity over another bad break up.

He spotted Carmen at her desk, on the phone. But more importantly, he spotted the takeaway coffee cup waiting for him. He silently grabbed the cup off her desk, missing her wildly gesturing at him, instead rushing into his office.

Rita was sending over her protegé for Rafael's bosses to interview. Every other person they had looked into had been missing certain qualities that were necessary to being a successful ADA. Rafael hadn't planned on being involved in the politics of the process at all, until Rita had called and managed to convince him that the kid would be worth it.

However, his office was a mess, and he knew word of it would get back to Rita. The last thing she needed was more ammunition against him.

So he strode into his office, placed his coffee cup on his desk, and hurriedly attempted to organise the chaos of his folders and paperwork.

“Mr Barba?”

The unfamiliar voice made him jump on the spot and turn around with a level of agility he didn't even know he had. Twinkling blue eyes watched him with amusement as Rafael attempted to appear calm and collected. As he raked his gaze over the stranger's figure he couldn't help but notice the man had the most beautiful pink lips, quirked into an amused smirk.

“How did you get into my office?”

The beautiful man pulled himself from Rafael's couch. “Your assistant-”

As if on cue, Carmen popped her head into the doorway.

“Sorry Mr Barba, a Mr Carisi is here to see you.”

“I can see that Carmen, thank you.” At his blunt tone, she gave him a pointed look. One that screamed that he owed her a coffee later. He made a mental note of it, before turning his attention back to the younger man, still waiting patiently. “So, you're the hotshot Rita has been vouching for.”

A slight blush appeared on his cheeks, and Rafael made another mental note to remember that he would be very easy to mess with.

“Something like that. Dominick Carisi Jr. Everyone calls me Sonny though.” He stretched his hand out, and Rafael shook it, enjoying the contact for a brief moment.

“Alright, first piece of advice,” he started, dropping the younger man’s hand. “Do not introduce yourself like that in the room. 'Sonny’? You're not twelve. Stick with Dominick, eventually you'll upgrade to Sonny in three-to-five years. Maybe.” He finished his lesson by picking up his coffee cup, and dropping into the chair behind his desk, gesturing for Sonny to sit opposite him. The younger man followed the order, watching intently as Rafael took a long sip of his coffee.

“You know, Rita told me you'd be giving me a pep talk.”

At that, Rafael chuckled. “Rita's full of shit. That's my second piece of advice.”

“Any more pearls of wisdom before I enter the lions den?”

Rafael eyed Sonny curiously. He was dressed impeccably for a job interview, and certainly spoke well enough, aside from the atrocious accent. But there was an air of uncertainty in his voice, as if he didn't know if he wanted to be here.

“Perhaps don't consider your possible future bosses as lions. Might be a good place to start, Counselor.”

Sonny huffed a laugh. “You make an excellent point. I guess I'm just still not sure if I want the job or not.”

“Do me a favour? Pretend like you do, for my sake? I did set this interview up.”

Sonny gave him a small smile, and lifted himself out of the chair. “Will do, Counselor.”

He made to leave, and Rafael propped his feet up on his desk.

“Oh, and Sonny?” The younger man turned around in the doorway, waiting expectantly for Rafael. “Stop by when it's over. I want to know how it went.”

With a rap of his knuckles on the doorframe, and a slight nod, Sonny left him alone with his thoughts.

 

Rafael was sipping the dregs of his second coffee of the morning, when a familiar knock drew him from his paperwork.

“Counselor? You got a sec?” Sonny asked, hovering in his doorway.

“Come on in.” Instantly Sonny sat across from him, nearly bouncing with nervous energy. “So? How did it go?”

The younger man shrugged. “Well, everything ran smoothly. I took your advice, stuck with Dominick. And I acted like I wanted the job,” he said with a wink. “Wouldn't want to embarrass you.”

“I love that you think that you would have any impact on my pride. Although recommending someone from Staten Island could be considered a blight on my professional reputation.”

Sonny gave him a curious look. “Did Rita tell you I was from there? Or did you do a background check?”

Rafael smirked. “I don't just help out random people, Counselor. And as much as I trust Rita's judgement… well, I don't trust her judgement.”

They both laughed fondly over their mutual appreciation for the powerhouse lawyer.

“Listen, Barba, can I buy you a coffee? Say thank you for setting this up for me?”

Rafael checked his watch. He didn't have a meeting for another hour, and he was definitely intrigued by the younger man.

“I'm sure I can spare a few minutes for free caffeine.”

  


“So, Sonny, I have to ask,” Rafael started, taking a long sip of his coffee as they walked side by side. “Aside from the significantly smaller salary, why don’t you want the job?”

Sonny chuckled. “You just can’t let anything slide, can you?” Rafael smirked in response, waiting patiently for him to answer. “It’s not the job, alright? I just don’t know if I want to relocate. I like Brooklyn.”

Rafael scoffed. He didn’t mind his days in Brooklyn, but it had nothing on Manhattan.

“That’s such an early-thirties thing to say. Manhattan is so much better than Hipsterville.”

Sonny had been mid-sip, but was suddenly coughing and spluttering from laughter. “‘Hipsterville’? Alright, old man.” Rafael gave him a pointed glare at the insult.

“Sorry, couldn’t resist,” he said, flashing an apologetic smile as they stopped in front of the building.

“Okay, so you’re not sold on Manhattan.” He considered that for a moment, before a wild idea popped into his head. “So I’ll sell you on it.”

Sonny shook his head. “I don’t know if that’s possible.”

“Forlini’s. Seven o’clock,” Rafael instructed, heading towards the front door. “I’ll show you what’s possible.”

  


The two fingers of scotch Rafael had already thrown back were doing nothing to stop his nerves. And why was he nervous? Sonny Carisi was not the kind of person he got nervous over. No matter how perfect his lips were, or how often Rafael had considered what it would be like to kiss them. No, that was _not_ why he was nervous. Instead he attributed it to the text message he had typed out, ready to send.

“See, this is why I don’t like Manhattan,” Sonny complained in lieu of a greeting, dropping into the seat across the booth from Rafael. “I would have been here twenty minutes ago if it weren’t for the thousands of tourists in my way.”

“That’s the beauty of it though. It may take a while to get to where you want, but the payoff is always worth it.” With a press of the button, he sent the message.

Sonny’s phone beeped. He checked the text, his baby blues growing wide as he looked up to Rafael.

“What is this?”

“Your offer. They texted me straight after your interview. You’ve got the job, if you want it.” He leaned back, taking a sip of his second glass of the night.

“Wow, that’s just-” he started, reading the text over, before he whipped his head up to meet Rafael’s gaze. “Why didn’t you just tell me? You didn’t have to text this.”

Rafael rolled his eyes. “Because I wanted to be dramatic. You want to be a successful lawyer? You need to have a flair for the theatrical.”

“I am a successful lawyer,” Sonny shot back.

“Sure you are, _Sonny._ ”

The younger man rolled his eyes, giving Rafael a run for his money in that department, before ordering a beer from the waitress.

“So your way of selling me on Manhattan is to take me to a generic bar?”

Rafael grinned. “Not quite.”

  


There were many things Rafael loved about Manhattan, and he was intent on showing Sonny all of it. From the street meat, which Sonny was understandably wary of.

“What the hell am I eating, Barba?”

“Don’t question it, just enjoy.”

The talented street performers, which had resulted in Sonny losing twenty dollars to a horribly fake sob story, one which the young lawyer had fallen for hook, line and sinker.

“Come on, Barba. He needed money for his dog.”

“Yeah, and now he’s following us.”

Even taking a stroll down Broadway, through Times Square, which Sonny was surprisingly enthralled by.

“I’ve always wanted to see Hamilton.”

“Five times later, I still love it as if it were the first.”

“How on earth did you afford five times on an ADA’s salary?”

“You assume I paid for it.”

But there was one part that he felt was just for him. His own sanctuary, a place to escape from the bustling, ruthless city. He wasn’t sure what possessed him to bring Sonny there. But after hours of bar-hopping, and cheap hot dogs, his feet had led them to his favourite place.

“Why are we at a parking garage?” Sonny questioned, still shovelling down gelato from the food truck.

“Just trust me,” was all Rafael gave him, as they rode the elevator in silence. By the time they navigated the steep stairs, his brain had finally caught up with his body. This would either be the tipping point for Sonny, who seemed to be so close to accepting, or it wouldn’t change his decision.

“Are we almost there?” Sonny whined, and Rafael had half a mind to turn around and deprive Sonny of the experience. But the familiar grey door beckoned him, and when he pushed it open, letting the cold night air hit them, he knew it was the right decision.

They were silent as they crossed the rooftop to the edge, soaking in the city lights.

“Wow,” Sonny finally whispered in awe. “This is beautiful.”

“It really is. Manhattan is the best place in the world, but it can also be cruel. When it all becomes too much, I come here.” He gazed out at the city he loved so much, his heart filled with appreciation and gratitude. “The best part?”

“Yeah?”

He glanced to Sonny, who was giving him the most curious look. “No cell reception.”

“It’s pretty damn great.”

“Actually, what am I talking about? The best part is this,” he said, removing his suit jacket.

“Uh, Barba, what are you doing?”

Rafael walked a few feet until he found the perfect spot, then proceeded to lay down on the cool concrete, gesturing for Sonny to join him. The younger man hesitated, but ultimately followed suit. When his long body was finally stretched out next to him, Rafael pointed upwards.

“See? You can actually see the stars from here.”

“Do you take all future ADA’s here?” Sonny asked, turning his head towards Rafael, who copied the action.

“No, I’ve never taken anyone here.” He wasn’t even sure why he brought Sonny. Somehow, it felt right.

“Oh. Well, thanks.”

They stared at each other for a moment, until it became just a little too awkward, before gazing back up at the stars above, sparkling beautifully.

“I’ll take the job,” Sonny mumbled after a moment.

Rafael leaned up on his elbows, a buzz of excitement coursing through his body. “Really?”

Sonny rolled onto his side, propping himself up on his own elbow.

“Yeah, yeah. Don’t let it go to your head.”

Rafael laughed. “Might be a bit late for that, Counselor - sorry, ADA Carisi.”

Sonny blushed slightly, and smiled widely, and Rafael refused to put a name to the flutter of emotions running through him, choosing to just enjoy the sight of the younger man happy.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh god I did the thing.  
> I wrote the smut.  
> I'm so sorry.  
> Please accept this ridiculous offering for what it is - pure trash.  
> Many thanks as always to keraunoscopia and tobeconspicuous for convincing me to actually post this and not delete it all.

It had been a busy first week for Sonny. Long hours and stacks of paperwork had resulted in a caffeine addiction, a complete lack of social life, and a sense of pure exhilaration. His office was small, and he wasn’t making anywhere near as  much as he used to, but he was sure it had been worth it, even if it had taken a little convincing from a beautiful man. Sonny always had been a sucker for green eyes.

He hadn’t seen Rafael all week, which he had been prepared for. Apparently his heart hadn’t received the memo however, still fluttering with every knock on his door and buzz of his phone.

His hand was cramping, which indicated that it was nearly lunchtime for Sonny, when a rapid knocking on the door brought him from his paperwork.

“Come in-” he barely finished, when the door flung open and Rafael confidently strode in, dropping into the chair across from Sonny.

“I see you’re already swamped.”

“Well hello to you too,” Sonny teased, dropping his pen down.

“How are you finding it?” the older man asked. Sonny searched those green eyes that he _definitely_ had not been daydreaming about, and tried to discover his intentions. He had been friendly enough when they had roamed the city together, but he still felt a desire to impress Rafael, both personally and professionally.

“Well, I feel like a first-year associate because I can’t remember the last time I went home before nine o’clock, and I think my blood has been replaced with coffee, but I’m loving that I don't have to keep track of billable hours.”

Rafael smirked and Sonny felt his heart flutter at the sight. “Spoken like a natural ADA. Glad to see it.”

Sonny was about to answer, when his stomach rumbled softly, and his watch confirmed that it was definitely time for lunch.

“Are you free?” Sonny blurted out before he could stop himself. “Want to get some lunch with me?”

Rafael’s eyebrows shot high on his forehead, and he shifted uncomfortably.

“Did you just - are you asking me on a date?”

Sonny instantly went from relaxed to tense, as he realised Rafael had wildly misinterpreted the situation.

“No, I was just-”

“I mean, not only are we colleagues, but I’m the only person you know in Manhattan.”

“Barba, I’m not-” he spluttered, desperate to explain himself.

“Is this what you’re interested in? Asking out the first person to show you kindness, no matter who it is, as some sort of erotic humiliation fantasy deal?”

“Humiliation fantasy?” Sonny choked out disbelievingly. “No, Barba, I’m not fucking asking you out!”

In a heartbeat, Rafael’s face shifted from shock to disappointment.

“Oh. I see.”

Sonny shook his head in confusion. _What the fuck is happening?_

“I-I’m sorry?”

“No I understand, you’re not interested in someone ten years your senior,” His voice was small, hurt, and Sonny was overwhelmed with guilt.

“Barba, I don’t-” he started, but was cut off by a surprising sound.

Rafael was laughing. _Laughing._

“You are so gullible. Come on, there’s a great sandwich place near here.” Still chuckling, Rafael smoothly lifted himself from his chair and left the room.

Sonny was frozen, still in shock over how easily he had just been played. He was only brought from his confusion when Rafael popped his head back in.

“This century would be great, Counselor.”

  


Sonny hated to admit it, but the sandwich place was pretty great, though the company was much greater. Rafael was incredibly easy to talk to, when he wasn’t teasing or insulting Sonny. While some of his words were pointed, his stunning eyes were playful and striking.

“So you knew Rita back in the Stone Ages?” he asked, earning himself a piercing glare.

“Don’t get cocky, Carisi.”

All he gave in return was a cheeky smile, his mouth full of the salami sandwich he’d taken a bite from. His phone started vibrating, and he didn’t even bother checking the screen, knowing exactly who it was from.

“Ex-girlfriend?” Rafael asked, having taken upon himself to look. Sure enough when he glanced down, Aria was calling.

“Sure is. She wants to ‘stay friends.’”

Rafael rolled his eyes. “God, that’s what my ex said when he broke up with me.”

“It’s such a cop out! Like, we were never friends beforehand, so why should we be friends after she dumps me? Apparently she thought she could cure me of my emotional unavailability.”

As he finished his rant, he noticed Rafael giving him a curious look, and a brief flash of fear surged through his body. He had always been known to overshare, and he knew it rubbed some people the wrong way.

“Emotionally unavailable? Apparently I’m emotionally damaged, haven’t seen you at the meetings,” the older man joked, causing them to both burst out laughing.

Sonny’s phone started vibrating once again, and before he could do anything Rafael was grabbing it and answering.

“Hello, this is Sonny’s phone. He’s emotionally unavailable right now, but if you’d like to call back and - oh, and she hung up.” Rafael casually handed the phone back, oblivious to Sonny’s awe. “Anyway, I’m not sure if you’re doing anything this weekend, but I’m having a few friends over Saturday night, if you would like to come along.”

Sonny considered the invitation for a moment. “Is it black-tie optional?”

Rafael rolled his eyes once again, an action that Sonny found himself craving.

“Keep up the banal humour and I will rescind the offer.”

“So… friends, huh?”

Rafael gave him a rare, genuine smile. “I think so.”

 

*******

 

Rafael wasn’t sure of the exact moment he started to consider Sonny to be a close friend. He suspected it was sometime between the night they went barhopping and stayed out until three in the morning, and the evening they had played poker together, in which Rafael had decimated the younger man. Either way, he found himself spending most weekends with Sonny, taking turns on deciding how they spent their time together.

Tonight was Sonny’s turn, which is how they ended up eating pizza and watching a movie on Rafael’s couch. Luckily he had at least managed to get a say in the film.

“I can’t believe you watch this shit, Barba,” Sonny complained for the tenth time, taking a large gulp of his beer.

“Hey, this is a highly-nuanced tale about the ramifications of colonisation, set to a-”

“It’s a romcom. In space.”

“It is a science fiction film, that just happens to feature a romantic plot-”

Sonny groaned. “You’re just going to keep arguing this until I admit you’re right, aren’t you?” Instead of responding, Rafael sipped his scotch, waiting for Sonny to admit it.

“Fine, you’re right, as per usual.”

Rafael chose to ignore the heavy sarcasm.

“Just you wait, there’s plenty of violence and sex coming up to satisfy your primitive interests.”

The younger man laughed heartily, downing the rest of his beer in one gulp.

“Man, you know one thing I do miss about being in a relationship is the sex. Everyone thinks that the second you’re single, you get laid all the time.”

Rafael sipped his scotch, purely to cover up the shock over the topic of conversation. It wasn’t that he was a prude when it came to discussing sex. He just hadn’t expected Good Catholic Boy Carisi to want to talk about it.

“I hate to admit it, but you’re right Carisi. Sometimes you just need sex, as a purely physical thing. Like cracking your neck.” To prove his point, he turned his head to the side, clicking the joint. Instant relief, exactly how sex should be.

“That’s it! You don’t need emotions for sex, it should be like a sport. Like, playing tennis or something.”

Rafael huffed out a laugh, before sipping the last of his scotch.

“Want another?” he asked, gesturing to Sonny’s empty beer bottle. The younger man nodded, handing it over, giving Rafael a curious look which he couldn’t be bothered deciphering.

He quickly ducked into the kitchen, got a beer from the fridge for Sonny, and was just pouring a glass of scotch out for himself when something stopped him in his tracks.

“We should do it,” Sonny’s voice called out from the other room.

Rafael grabbed their drinks and hesitantly stepped back into the living room.

“Do what?” he asked, handing Sonny his beer, noting the mischievous glint in his eyes.

“Have sex,” he simply said, taking a slow drink of his beer.

They stared at each other for a moment, before Rafael couldn’t hold back his laughter any longer. It wasn’t that he hadn’t considered it when they first met, he _definitely_ had. But they were tipsy, and colleagues, and more importantly they were friends.

“Sonny, that could be the worst idea you’ve ever had,” he finally breathed out.

“I disagree, you said it yourself, sex can just be a physical thing.”

Rafael would have burst out laughing again, if it weren’t for the serious expression on Sonny’s face. “You’re serious?”

“Absolutely.”

Rafael shook his head. “For starters, there needs be attraction for sex to work, which-”

“I don’t know about you, but I definitely think you’re hot,” he smirked, once again slowly sipping his beer. Rafael locked his eyes onto those perfect lips that had captivated him from the first moment they had met.

“You’re not so bad, I guess.”

Sonny chuckled. “See? Physical, but with no emotional attachment. We could do this, Barba.”

Rafael considered it once again. They really could do it. But first, they would need ground rules.

In an instant, he placed his drink onto the coffee table and stood up, gesturing for Sonny to do the same.

“Alright, if - and I mean _if_ \- we do this, we need rules.”

“Of course,” Sonny nodded, as if it were obvious. “First rule, no emotions. The second either of us feels anything slightly romantic, we stop. Agreed?”

“Agreed. Second rule, we tell no one at work.”

“Standard. Third rule, this is a one time deal, and we stay friends after.”

Rafael nodded. “Agreed. Anything else?”

Sonny stepped half a foot closer, now standing over Rafael. He felt his breath catch in his throat, the reality of the situation now hitting him. Maybe this was a mistake.

“Feel free to insult me if any of this feels too romantic,” he whispered.

“I’m sure that won’t be difficult,” Rafael whispered back, though there was no bite to his remark.

Sonny lifted his hand to Rafael’s cheek, his thumb stroking it gently. They both leaned in, waiting for the other to make the first move.

“Nope,” Rafael stepped back, shaking his head. “Too romantic.”

Sonny shrugged. “Well, alright then.” He then began to pull his shirt off.

“What are you doing?”

“Skipping the romance.”

Rafael considered that for a moment. Then, before he could back out, he followed Sonny’s lead, ripping his own clothes off.

They both stopped when they were down to just underwear, soaking in the sight of each other. He had always known Sonny was practically a stringbean, but there was a surprising amount of toned muscle to his physique. His chest was already flushed with excitement, and Rafael wanted nothing more than to mark it with his lips.

They stepped closer together again, nearly chest to chest. Before Rafael could complain about the possible intimacy of the situation, Sonny reached around and squeezed his ass.

“That better?” he whispered.

“Much better,” Rafael growled, before pulling Sonny’s head down and colliding their lips together.

They stumbled through the apartment, their lips connecting the whole time, before they found themselves in the bedroom. It was then Rafael pushed them apart, boldly taking the next step by ripping his own briefs off.

Sonny considered Rafael’s naked form with clear appreciation, a lustful smirk appearing on those beautiful pink lips.

“I can work with that.” With one quick movement, the younger man slid his own briefs off.

Rafael had never really held much stock in the idea of a perfect cock, but there it was, half-hard with anticipation.

“Looks good,” he simply muttered, his mouth dry with lust.

He wasn’t sure who made the first move, but somehow he found himself on the bed, underneath Sonny’s grinding hips, relishing in the taste of beer on his lips. He ran his fingers through Sonny’s perfectly styled hair, something he had wanted ever since they first met. An unfamiliar feeling at his feet caused him to break the kiss slightly.

“Sonny, are you still wearing socks?”

“Yeah, sorry. Intimacy issues.” He started kissing Rafael’s neck, and he couldn’t stop the soft moans coming from his throat.

“That’s fine, I don’t like feet,” he breathed out. “Daddy issues.”

Sonny groaned, burying his face into Rafael’s neck. He was acutely aware of Sonny’s hard, well, everything.

“Say that again.”

“What, daddy issues?”

Sonny groaned again. “I think I just discovered something new about myself.” He then threw himself back into kissing and sucking Rafael’s neck.

Before he could mock Sonny over his newfound daddy kink, those plump lips kissed a path to one of Rafael’s nipples.

“Ah - ah!” he hissed, and instantly Sonny stopped.

“What is it?”

“My nipples are _really_ sensitive.”

Sonny eyebrows lifted high, and he glanced down to Rafael’s chest and up again.

“So… keep going?”

In response, Rafael gripped the back of his neck and pushed his lips back to his chest. Sonny’s tongue flicked over his nipple, eliciting a low moan from Rafael. Before he could tell the younger man where to put his mouth to work next, he was kissing lower and lower, his fingers taking over pleasuring Rafael’s nipples.

Just when he thought it couldn't get any better, Sonny's breath stopped ghosting over him and the blond’s mouth enveloped him.

It was… okay. There was never really a way to give a bad blow job, but Sonny was clearly a little inexperienced in the sucking department. One of his long hands was still tweaking Rafael's nipple, which certainly provided waves of pleasure. His other hand, however, remained on Rafael's hip, gripping, but doing nothing else. Sonny certainly knew how to use his lips, but his tongue lay flat along Rafael's shaft, and he knew the younger man could be doing more.

“Sonny - Sonny stop,” he ordered, pulling on his blond hair.

“What's wrong?” he breathed out huskily.

“Stop just using your lips, you've got a tongue, a hand, and I'm sure you've got a deep throat. Use it.”

Sonny scoffed. “I know what I'm doing, okay? Trust me, I'm good at this.”

Rafael tugged his hair slightly, a reprimand.

“Trust _me_ , you could be doing better.”

Something flashed across Sonny's face, a dark lust as if he had something to prove.

With a flick of his tongue and a firm grip, the younger man set out to prove himself. Licking, and sucking, and stroking Rafael. Teasing with slow swirls of his tongue, before taking as much as he could, letting Rafael hit the back of his throat.

“Oh god,” he choked out as the blond’s head bobbed up and down fervently, pumping him faster and faster. “Sonny I think I'm gonna - oh god!” he screamed out.

Sonny’s lips left him and he practically growled at the lack of contact.

“What's wrong?” the younger man asked, his voice dripping with concern.

“NOTHING! God, why are you stopping?!”

“You started yelling! Things can be misconstrued!”

“No, Sonny! Keep going!”

He followed the command, wrapping his lips around him and taking him deep, and Rafael felt his whole body shake. With a deep, loud moan, his orgasm hit him beautifully, with Sonny taking all he could.

“Was that better?” Sonny hummed when Rafael was finished, kissing his way up his chest.

“ _God,_ yes,” he breathed out as Sonny collapsed next to him. He glanced down to see the younger man still very much hard and ready. With a sly smirk, and a well-placed kiss just behind Sonny's earlobe, he let his hand travel down Sonny's flushed chest. “Now watch how a master does it.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As per usual, thanks go to keraunoscopia and tobeconspicuous for their ongoing support during this time! I appreciate it more than words could possibly say.
> 
> Enjoy some Lucia Barba goodness here!
> 
> Kudos/comments are always appreciated!

Sonny tried to focus on the document in front of him, he really did. He tapped his pen over and over, willing the words and letters to make sense. His mind of course, had other plans.

He couldn't stop thinking of the weekend he and Rafael had shared. Of easy banter, teasing lips, mouths biting, and one of the best blow jobs he had ever received—

However he couldn't stop thinking that, in the haze of their orgasms, something had changed. Neither had explicitly said anything about it, but he could feel it. When he pulled his clothes back on and left Rafael's apartment, the unsettling feeling remained, clinging to his stomach and heart. They were colleagues, _friends_ , they should never have crossed this line, no matter how hot it had been.

A knock at the door nearly made him jump.

“Come in,” he called out.

The door opened, and the source of his worry stepped through. Sonny always appreciated how well Rafael could pull off a suit, although he knew now that he definitely had a reason to be that confident. A long, thick reason.

“Just going to sit there gawking?” the older man teased, though there was no life in it. In fact, as Sonny raked his eyes over him, he seemed tense.

“Uh - sorry. Hi.”

“Hi.”

They both awkwardly stared at each other for a moment, until Sonny cleared his throat.

“What's up, Counselor?”

He couldn't stop the weird tension from building. He couldn't even place exactly where the tension was coming from.

“Want to get a coffee?”

Sonny glanced to the paperwork that he still couldn't make heads or tails of.

“Sure.”

  


They walked through the park with exactly one whole foot between them, sipping their respective coffees to avoid talking. He knew they had to. As much as the sex had been fun, Sonny missed Rafael as just a friend.

He opened his mouth to say just as much, when Rafael grabbed his arm, stopping them.

“Sonny, this is weird.”

He sighed, grateful to clear the air.

“Yes! Thank you, it's weird.”

Rafael seemed relieved. “I don't want it to be weird.”

“Neither do I!”

“Can we just go back to being friends?” the older man asked, his green eyes wide, hoping for Sonny to agree.

“Absolutely, just friends.”

“Portrait for the lovely couple?” an unfamiliar voice asked. They both turned, to see an old man drawing caricatures.

Sonny glanced to Rafael, who was staring at him. Those beautiful green eyes glanced to Sonny's lips and back up, and before he could stop himself, his own eyes flicked to Rafael's lips.

  


There were three things he was aware of as they stumbled into Sonny's apartment. The fact that they had to be back at work in half an hour, which was the least of his concerns, and the feel of the paper of the caricature they had bought, crinkling under his fingers. He was mostly aware of thick hands gripping his hips, and Rafael's deep moans as he pressed his lips along the column of the older man's throat.

“So much for just being friends,” he breathed out in between kisses, earning himself a dark chuckle from Rafael.

“Maybe we can work something out,” he growled, fumbling his hands to unbuckle Sonny's belt, pulling him to the bedroom.

Any reservations he had about their situation flew out the window as Rafael pushed him onto the bed, yanking his pants down until the cool air hit him.

Before Sonny could ask him what he wanted, Rafael was ripping his own pants off and rifling through his bedside table. Sonny's heart pumped with excitement as the older man threw a condom and a little bottle of lube onto Sonny's chest. Rafael then leaned over the top of him, his green eyes darkened with hunger.

“Put those long fingers to work,” Rafael whispered against Sonny's ear. “If you can.”

It was almost frustrating how Rafael knew exactly how to kick Sonny into action, how to set off a long-dormant desire to prove himself. And yet before he knew it, Rafael was straddling him, and Sonny was three fingers deep, stretching and prepping the older man. He crooked his fingers, smirking over the gasps and moans coming from Rafael.

“Christ Sonny, are you just going to keep fingering me or are you going to fuck me?”

“I'm getting there, Barba. It's a process,” he muttered, nearly rolling his eyes.

Apparently Rafael didn't possess that same restraint, rolling his own eyes and grinding against Sonny's fingers.

“I'm ready, just do it.”

The order shouldn't have turned him on even more, but there was something about Rafael's husky voice that had him submitting entirely. Well, almost entirely.

He leaned up and used his teeth to bite through Rafael's shirt, right over his nipple.

“Ah - ah!”

“Quit telling me what to do,” he growled, gently removing his fingers.

He rolled the condom down his length, while Rafael hovered over him. Their eyes locked, and for a moment Sonny hesitated. This could be an even greater mistake.

Before he could say anything, Rafael lowered himself down onto Sonny, and any thoughts were lost in a tight, blinding heat of ecstasy.

 

*******

 

Rafael had always been talented at compartmentalising various aspects of his life. He could separate work, family, and relationships easily.

Even though they had a rough start, he and Sonny were now easily compartmentalised also. They had their working relationship, which was professional whenever they occasionally worked together. They had their friendship, which was growing closer every day. Lunch a few times a week, and weekends filled with Rafael showing Sonny all the sights and secret places Manhattan had to offer.

Then they had their sexual relationship.

The best part about sleeping with Sonny was the honesty. If they were dating, he would feel obligated to hold back on what he _really_ liked during sex. He would be sweet, and casual, and play the part of a standard lover.

But Sonny was his friend, so it was easy to tell him exactly what he liked, and vice versa.

Rafael could tell Sonny exactly how to use his tongue to stretch him out, and berate him for his slow pace if he was close. Just like Sonny could tell him that he was being way too loud during sex, and that he didn’t want his elderly neighbours two doors down to hear them ‘going at it like rabbits.’

They also found that it was easy to explore different aspects of their kinks and desires.

One Saturday night they delved into Sonny's surprising daddy kink, which Rafael shockingly enjoyed a lot more than he expected. It didn't help that Sonny was exceptional at giving Rafael exactly what he wanted.

A lazy Sunday morning was spent attempting shower sex, which had been fun, but wildly impractical. It was especially awkward because Sonny had insisted on wearing his socks in the shower, so every time Rafael looked down he would burst out laughing at the sight of the black, wet cotton socks.

Rafael was certain what they had together was working. They had their rules, and they were sticking to them perfectly.

  


It had been a long week, so by the time Friday rolled around, Rafael was looking forward to the movie night Sonny had planned. They were going to watch a movie of Sonny's choosing, which he wasn't excited for, but the younger man was also cooking lasagna, which he was _very_ excited for.

As the ending credits ran, they found themselves naked on the couch, limbs intertwined, grinding against each other. There was something natural and comforting about having Sonny's long body on top of his, his tongue in his mouth, his slender hands scratching and digging into him.

And just as Rafael was about to snap at Sonny to hurry up and touch him, a noise distracted him.

A familiar sound that sent a wave of dread through his body. Before he could stop Sonny, before they could untangle and put clothes on, the apartment door flung open and in stormed Lucia Barba.

“Rafi, my boy, I need your - oh my _god._ ”

In one swift movement, Rafael shoved Sonny onto the ground with a yelp.

“ _Mami,_ what are you doing?!”

Lucia had a mischievous grin on her face the entire time Rafael scrambled for his briefs, taking a long moment to stare at Sonny as he found his own.

“I'm just gonna-” he mumbled, and attempted to make a break for Rafael's bedroom.

“Not so fast young man,” Lucia commanded, and Rafael was briefly reminded of his childhood when his mother would use that same tone. The two man stood uncomfortably next to each other, unable to meet Lucia's piercing gaze.

“I thought you would call,” Rafael muttered, finally lifting his eyes to meet hers.

“I did, Rafi. Five times.” He then remembered he had put his phone on silent during the movie, and cursed every moment that had led to this point. “So, you've got a new boyfriend.”

Instantly he and Sonny protested.

“He’s not my-”

“I’m not his-”

They glanced to each other.

“Sonny isn't my boyfriend. We're just kind of friends.”

“With benefits,” Sonny added, before closing his mouth with regret.

“Oh, so my son is just your side piece?” Lucia interrogated, clearly enjoying the way Sonny shriveled.

“No! No he's just - we're just…” he trailed off, turning to Rafael for support.

“Sonny, you should go. I'll see you on Monday,” he ordered. Sonny did as he was told, quickly collecting his things and leaving, still only wearing his briefs and socks. He gave Rafael one final apologetic look before closing the door.

“Rafi, put some clothes on. You're taking me out for dinner.” Rafael opened his mouth to object, but one strong Barba glare had him withering.

  


They had barely finished ordering their meals, before Lucia launched her attack.

“So you're sleeping with younger men now?”

Rafael rolled his eyes, and sipped his scotch for strength.

“He's a friend, and he's not that much younger than me.”

“What was it you said, 'see you on Monday?’ Do you work with him?”

“Yes, but it doesn't affect our working relationship,” he gritted out.

Lucia's eyebrows lifted high as she sipped her wine. “I find that difficult to believe.”

He gulped his scotch instead of responding. He would not justify his friendship with Sonny to his mother, especially after the way she had discovered them. He shuddered, still remembering the shocked expression combined with Sonny's length pressed against him, and threw back the rest of his drink.

“Rafi, I-”

“I don't want to talk about it.”

Then Lucia did something unexpected. She reached forward, and rested her hand on top of his.

“Rafi. I'm just surprised. I would have thought you were too old to be doing a 'friends with benefits’ thing.”

No matter how old he was, how much he had grown and matured, his mother still found a way to make him feel like a child.

“I can take care of myself. We've got rules, we know what we're doing.”

Lucia gave him a pitying look, and he felt himself regretting having finished his drink already.

“I just thought you would have settled down by now. I thought _you_ wanted to settle down by now.”

Rafael shook his head, as if it would stop Lucia from being right. It didn't. He wasn't getting any younger, and as much as he enjoyed sleeping with Sonny, he really did want to settle down. They could always go back to just being friends.

“I'm going to need another drink,” he muttered, avoiding Lucia's knowing stare.

  


The sweat had barely cooled on their bodies as they curled up next to each other, breathless and worn out, when Lucia's words began to ring in Rafael's ears.

Settle down.

_Settle down._

He glanced over to Sonny, his flushed chest heaving up and down, a youthful smirk on his face.

Then those blue eyes met his, and he knew he had to make a decision.

“Sonny, I think I want to start dating again.”

The younger man rolled onto his side, resting his head on his hand.

“Oh, right. So, that would mean we stop doing this,” he said, gesturing between them.

“Yeah. I want to get back out there.”

Sonny nodded, understanding. Then he lifted the sheet resting over their hips, raking his eyes over Rafael's lower half.

“Just gonna get one last look at it,” he laughed as Rafael shoved him playfully. “Alright! Sorry, I'll stop. Come on, let's get lunch.”

As Sonny left the bed, not even bothering to cover himself, Rafael took a moment to take one last look at him, relishing in the curves on his ass, the tight muscles in his shoulders. Regret crept in, gripping his heart, but he stamped it down. It was the right decision.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah, there's kind of a sneaky mini 4+1 fic in the middle of this.
> 
> Also Sonny is catching The Feelings whether he wants to or not.
> 
> Kudos/comments are always appreciated!

Sandwiches in hand, they walked through the park together, Rafael thoroughly enjoying the warmth of the sunshine on his skin.

“Alright, so you want to start dating again,” Sonny muffled with a mouth full of food. “What's your type?”

Rafael shrugged. “I don't really have a type. Just someone smart, funny, good-looking-”

“Oh yeah, just a couple of things you're looking for then,” Sonny teased, earning himself a shoulder shoving him.

“What about you?” he asked, curious, as Sonny had never really hinted towards what kind of men he normally chased after.

Sonny glanced around the crowded park, before pointing at a man in the distance. An incredibly athletic twenty-something, with broad shoulders and a wickedly gorgeous smile.

“ _That's_ your type?”

Sonny shrugged. “I mean, I wouldn't complain.” He squinted his eyes, appreciating the fit man. “You know what? I'm gonna go get his number.”

Rafael's jaw dropped. “What? Right here, in front of all these people?”

Sonny rolled his eyes and dumped his sandwich into Rafael's hands.

“I'm getting his number, not stabbing the guy.”

He jogged over to the other man, leaving Rafael with two sandwiches and an odd feeling in his chest. The younger men looked good together. Smiling and talking easily, Sonny surprisingly smooth with his flirting. Then as quickly as he left Rafael, he was walking back over to him.

“How did you go?” he questioned, hoping he didn't sound too eager.

“Good! Good, he's a tourist from Germany. Loves New York City. Says he can't wait to show his husband the Empire State Building,” he said, pointing back over to the other man, who was now arm in arm with an even hotter man.

Rafael burst out laughing as Sonny snatched his sandwich out of his hands.

“Oh you sure know how to pick them,” he breathed out between laughs.

“Yeah, yeah, laugh it up. I'd like to see you try,” he challenged. “I mean, you were the one who said they wanted to start dating again.”

He almost didn't take the bait. He almost mocked Sonny for his childish challenge. But as he went to roll his eyes, something stopped him.

Gazing at the trees towering over them, was a man. A gorgeous, well-dressed man, soaking in everything nature had to offer.

“Alright. I will.” He handed his sandwich over to Sonny, sucked in a deep breath, and walked over to the man.

Stepping next to him to look up at the trees, he cleared his throat.

“They're gorgeous, aren't they?”

The beautiful man glanced to him with his hazel eyes, a small smile gracing his lips.

“I think so. Parker,” he introduced himself, offering his hand. Rafael shook it, enjoying the size and warmth of it.

“Rafael. Listen, I know this is a bit forward, but I was wondering if I could get your number. Maybe we could go for a drink this Friday?” His heart was pounding, and for a brief moment he thought he was about to be turned down. That is, until a wide smile appeared on Parker's lips, and he asked for Rafael's phone to put his number in.

As they said their goodbyes, and Rafael made his way back over to a waiting Sonny, he felt a surge of confidence course through him.

“How did you go?”

Rafael showed his phone. “Got a number, and a date.”

Sonny let out a loud 'whoop’, and wrapped an arm around his shoulders. “Proud of you, Raf.”

They walked through the park, Sonny's arm still resting across his shoulders, and Rafael felt warm and content.

  
  


On their first date, Rafael and Parker went to Forlini's and had a couple of drinks. Parker was a sweet, caring doctor, who appreciated good scotch and science fiction films. Their night ended with a chaste kiss, and a promise of a second date.

 

On their second date, they went for Sunday brunch. Parker enjoyed going on weekend trips to the Berkshires, and enjoyed visiting his sister's house in the suburbs. They kissed once again, enjoying the feeling of lips against each other for a few minutes longer.

 

Their third date was a gorgeous, romantic dinner. Sonny had texted him halfway through the meal, but he had quickly responded that he was busy. Rafael confessed that he didn't want to sleep with Parker until after they had five dates, admitting that he had been hurt by moving too fast in the past. Parker was sweet, and caring, and understanding. They made out against the door of Rafael's apartment for what felt like a lifetime, before Rafael reluctantly let him go.

 

Date number four was slightly rushed, as it was on their lunch break. They ate at the cafeteria of the hospital Parker worked at, and they spoke of the future. Rafael mentioned he was ready to settle down, to build a life with someone. And with a sweet, caring, understanding smile, Parker said he felt the same. They snuck a quick, but passionate kiss across the table, and Rafael couldn't wait for date number five.

 

Five came along quickly and wonderfully. They spent the night on Rafael's couch, eating Thai food, drinking wine, and sharing beautiful, sensual kisses.

With twinkling eyes, Rafael asked, “Do you know what tonight is?”

Parker smirked, blushing slightly.

“Date number five.”

As their lips connected, Rafael knew he had made the right decision.

  
  


Sunlight gently woke Rafael up, and he was instantly ecstatic remembering the night before. Parker was everything he had hoped for, and he couldn't wait to start their future together.

A beautiful idea popped into his head, so he quietly slipped out of the bed, threw on some clothes and snuck out to get them both coffee.

  
  


After he ordered the coffees from a nearby cafe, his phone started ringing.

“Hello?”

 _“Rafael, it's your mother._ ”

He pinched the bridge of his nose with his fingers, dreading where this was going.

“Yes? Any particular reason you're calling me so early?”

_“Listen, I know we were going to spend next weekend together for the fourth of July, but a friend has just given me a free ticket for a cruise.”_

Rafael sighed. Lucia managed to do this every single year, he didn't know why he made plans with her every time.

“Mami, it's fine. I'm sure I can find something else to do,” he reassured as he collected the drinks and stepped out of the cafe.

Lucia started on another tangent, but Rafael wasn't listening. His eyes had caught a sight he hadn't been expecting. Parker, hurriedly leaving his apartment building.

“Mami, I'll talk to you later,” he muttered, hanging up. “Parker!” he called out.

The other man whipped around, his face tense yet unreadable.

“Rafael, uh - hi. I thought you had left.”

He held up the warm cups of coffee in his hands. “Coffee. I thought you had today off.”

“Uh, yeah. Just had that um, that thing.”

Rafael's heart sunk. He was being dumped. Specifically, he was being dumped by a damn coward who wouldn't even say why.

“God, Parker. Just say it.”

He sighed, losing all traces of trying to be sweet. “Look, you're just like, super intense about the future, and I'm not there right now. I don't think I can be that perfect guy to spend the rest of your life with.”

Rafael nodded. The words sounded true enough, but he could have done this earlier. Instead, Parker had waited until after they had slept together.

“Right. Well, hey, maybe we can still be friends.”

Parker's face lit up. “Really?”

“No, go fuck yourself,” he spat and stormed into his apartment building, gripping onto both coffees.

 

*******

 

Sonny had been halfway through his breakfast when his phone had vibrated. He had almost ignored it, certain that anyone calling that early wasn't bringing good news. And then he saw the name. And he couldn't ignore it, even if he wanted to.

“Hello?”

_“You would not believe the morning I've just had.”_

Sonny smirked, schooling his voice to be as innocent as possible.

“I'm sorry, who is this?”

 _“We slept together,”_ Rafael said, ignoring Sonny's jab.

“Wow, five dates already. You must be-”

_“We slept together, and then he tried to sneak out when I was buying us coffees.”_

Sonny froze for a moment. Incredulous rage pulsed through him over the thought that some guy had hurt Rafael, but there was an undercurrent of something else. Some kind of satisfaction that the man had not been right for Rafael. He pushed down the satisfaction, and fanned the flames of anger.

“He's an asshole,” he gritted out as he ate a bite of his cereal. “A grade-A asshole. I could have told you that from the moment you guys met.”

 _“Well damn Sonny, you could have said something earlier,”_ Rafael scolded.

Sonny chuckled, picturing the annoyed look on the older man's face.

“Sorry! I just hated the way he was staring at those trees, like he was special for liking nature.”

Rafael groaned loudly into the phone. _“And to top it all off, my mother has cancelled our fourth of July plans, so I'm going to be alone for the long weekend.”_

A crazy thought popped into Sonny's head.

“Spend it with me.”

_“Wow, you think you're funny over the phone, don't you.”_

“I'm being serious,” Sonny pressed. “We always have a fourth of July Carisi Cookout Weekend. It's no fancy lunch with Lucia, but you'll at least be keeping me company.”

_“Won't they think we're together?”_

Sonny barked out a laugh. “Not if I tell them we're not. Come on, it'll be fun. We can laugh at all my cousin's getting drunk and arguing about religion and football.”

_“As much as that would thrill me to see that, I'm just going to stay in the city. Go to the gym or something.”_

Sonny went deadly quiet, waiting for Rafael to come up with a better excuse than that. When neither of them spoke for a good twenty seconds, he sucked in a deep breath.

“Raf, you're coming.”

 _“Fine. But you're driving,”_ Rafael easily relented with a sigh.

“Of course,” he agreed in between another spoonful of cereal. “And as if you were going to go to the gym.”

_“You're right.”_

Sonny chuckled. “Oh Rafael, you don't know what you're in for.”

  
  


When they eventually hung up, Sonny's heart fluttered with excitement.

Since dating Parker, he and Rafael hadn't been seeing each other quite as much. Sure they had work, and they still spent time together, but it was always 'Parker thinks this’ or 'Parker said that’. He had been happy that Rafael was happy, but now he had his closest friend back, and they were spending an entire weekend together.

Just how things should be.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I wrote smut sober? What? How? I don't know but here it is.
> 
> As per usual, thanks go to keraunoscopia and tobeconspicuous for reminding me what grammar is, and being the ultimate cheerleaders!
> 
> Kudos/comments are always appreciated

Sonny wasn't sure exactly what was going to happen when they stepped through the front door of his childhood home, into the hallway. His family, while incredibly loving and caring, was also absolutely wild when it came to new company.

He had spent the car ride to Staten Island warning Rafael of what might happen, of Gina's wandering hands, and Teresa's possible life lectures, and the potential for another Bella and Tommy holiday blowout.

By the time they reached the house, Rafael seemed sufficiently concerned for his life, which told Sonny they were ready to face the Carisi's. So, bags in hand, Sonny unlocked the front door and they stepped through.

“Sonny’s home!” Bella shouted through the house the second she spotted him, running over to give him a huge hug which he warmly returned. “And he's brought a boyfriend!”

“Bella,” he hissed as he let go. “I told you, we're-”

“Friends, we’ve heard,” Gina cut in, throwing her arms around Sonny, while Teresa watched on. “He’s cute.”

“Really cute,” Teresa confirmed, giving Sonny a peck on the cheek.

He groaned, feeling the flush of embarrassment creep up his neck. One of the perks of being the only male sibling was being ganged up on at every available opportunity by his sisters.

“Oh my god, stop,” he begged as they turned onto Rafael, who flinched slightly at the three pairs of piercing blue eyes.

“So…” Bella started.

“You’re the _friend,_ ” Gina smirked.

“We’ve heard a lot about you,” Teresa said, though Sonny detected a hint of warning in her voice.

“Really?” Rafael asked, turning to Sonny with an amused smirk on his lips. “How interesting.”

“So, you’re just _friends._ ” Sonny and Rafael both took a deep breath, anticipating the questions and lectures. “Makes sense. We wouldn’t be meeting you if you were dating.”

With that, Gina gave Rafael a friendly hug.

“Intimacy issues,” Bella teased, and Sonny had half a mind to turn around and drive back to Manhattan, particularly as Rafael laughed as he hugged his younger sister.

“Oh I’ve heard,” the lawyer said, winking at Sonny. Even though he was absolutely being mocked by the people closest to him, he couldn’t stop his heart from skipping a beat at the sight of Rafael winking cheekily at him, a sort of youthfulness reserved just for Sonny’s eyes.

“Yeah, yeah, alright. You’ve had your fun, now where’s-” he started, but was cut off by a booming voice coming from upstairs.

“Is that my favourite son I hear?”

His lips stretched into a wide grin at the sight of his Dad walking down the stairs, his face lit up with joy.

“Hey Pops,” he greeted, wrapping his arms around his Dad. “It’s good to see you.”

“And who’s this?” the older man asked, eyeing Rafael.

“Rafael Barba. It’s a pleasure to meet you Mr. Carisi.” Sonny had to bite back a laugh at the sight of Rafael seemingly intimidated by his father. He wasn’t surprised though, Dominick Carisi Sr. certainly was a presence. He and Sonny shared the same eyes, and nose, and unfortunately Sonny’s hair was on its way to being the same silvery grey. However, he towered over Sonny and his siblings, a pure physical force which certainly contrasted his caring disposition.

“Please Rafael, call me Dom,” he instructed as they shook hands. “So, you work with Sonny at the firm?”

Sonny’s heart seized a little as Rafael’s face flashed with confusion. “The firm?”

“Yeah, in Brooklyn.”

Sonny glanced around the living room to his sisters, who all wore the same expression; sad understanding. He stepped forward, gently placing his hand on his Dad’s shoulder.

“Hey Pops, I’m not there anymore. I’m at the Manhattan DA’s office.”

His heart broke at the sight of his Dad looking so confused, and Sonny searched Gina’s face for what to do next.

“Dad, let's give the guys some time to get settled in,” she said softly, guiding him into the kitchen.

“When did he start working in Manhattan?” was the last thing they heard as Gina walked him out of the room.

Bella cleared her throat, “I’ll show you where you’re staying.”

  
  


Friday night dinner with the Carisi’s always involved lasagna and red wine, and with all the siblings home for the long weekend, tonight was no exception. Sonny had been worried about how his family would react to Rafael, but they got along like a house on fire, almost too well in Sonny’s opinion.

Gina and Bella in particular enjoyed bringing up moments from Sonny’s teenage years, and every time he protested they delved further into the backlog of bad decisions he had made. Rafael had thoroughly enjoyed finding out that Sonny had a horrific fear of heights.

“Why did you come up onto the rooftop with me then?” he laughed, sipping his wine.

“You were trying to sell me on Manhattan, I didn’t want to tell you I was terrified!”

Rafael shook his head. “You’re so ridiculous, how have you survived this long being such a people-pleaser?”

“Oh please, it’s better than the cold facade you show to everyone, which by the way-”

“You guys bicker like an old married couple,” Teresa cut in, her eyes piercing Rafael’s, a knowing smirk on her lips. Sonny could feel a blush creep in on his cheeks, especially as Rafael's elbow bumped against his own. He glanced to where their arms were now connected, ever so lightly, and opened his mouth to change the subject.

“What’s this about Manhattan?” his father asked. The table fell quiet.

“I - I work there now, Dad,” he gently explained, hoping the moment would pass easily.

“Work there? Since when?” he questioned, growing flustered. Just as Sonny started to explain the situation, his father said something that caused his stomach to drop. “What does your mother think about this?”

An unsettling sadness swept across the table. Sonny fought back tears as he avoided Rafael’s questioning stare, choosing to silently ask his sisters what to do next.

“Dad, we-” Teresa started.

“Where is she?” he asked, whipping his head around. “She should be here.”

Sonny bore his eyes into the empty chair next to his father, where his mother had sat for so many years.

“Dad… she passed away. A few years ago.”

He could feel his father’s eyes on him, incredulous and hurt. He then shoved his chair back, and stormed into the kitchen. Gina politely excused herself and followed him, leaving the rest of them alone with their thoughts.

  
  


The rest of dinner passed awkwardly. Gina hadn’t managed to convince their father to come to the table. Instead he sat on the back porch, not speaking to anyone who tried to talk to him.

Sonny and Teresa took over the washing up duties, which he had a feeling was a purposeful tactic on Teresa’s end.

“I didn’t realise he was getting so bad,” he confessed, handing a plate to his eldest sister.

“That’s what happens when you become a big city hotshot, you lose perspective.”

He sighed. “Come on, Teresa, don’t give me that, you guys could have told me.”

“And you could have called,” she shot back with a tone that rivaled their late mother.

He knew it was pointless arguing, and for a moment they slipped back into an uncomfortable silence, the clinking of cutlery and crockery filling the emptiness.

“He seems nice,” she finally said, her voice just a bit too high to be sincere.

“He is nice. He’s a good friend.” He raised his eyebrows at her, daring her to speak her mind.

She shrugged airily. “A little old.”

“He is older, yes.”

Then she turned her body fully towards him, her blue eyes piercing his own.

“Be careful,” she warned, before turning back to the dishes, scrubbing the sauce off.

Sonny shook his head and left the kitchen. He had heard enough of Teresa’s lectures to know they involved very few words and many pointed, knowing stares. He stormed down the hallway, ready to go to bed, when voices from the living room stopped him. Rafael was seated between Bella and Gina on one of the couches, and sitting on his lap was an old family photo album. He had been ready to step in and rip it out of their sight, knowing exactly what pictures Bella was giggling over, when something Rafael said stopped him.

“You know, Sonny didn’t tell me about your Dad.”

He leaned against the hallway wall. It’s not like he had intentionally not told Rafael, he just didn’t want to talk about what his Dad was going through. At times it was so overwhelming just thinking about it, that he was worried it would break him.

“Wow, shocker,” Gina replied, her voice dripping with sarcasm. “Sonny not talking about his problems.”

His sisters burst out laughing, and at the sound of Rafael’s own chuckle he knew it was time to stop the conversation.

“Hey, what are we talking about?” he nonchalantly asked, shuffling into the living room.

“Nothing, just looking at some pictures,” Bella smirked, and Sonny rolled his eyes preemptively, ready for the onslaught.

“Sonny, I had no idea you were so into Nirvana.” He glared at Rafael, who was fighting back a full-blown smile.

“It was the nineties, everyone was into Nirvana.”

Gina barked out a laugh. “Yeah, but not everyone grew their hair out, dyed it blond, and wrote poetry about their internal torment.” She drove her point home by waving a picture of Sonny when he was sixteen, bleached hair down to his shoulders, staring sullenly down the lense. The glee in Rafael’s face told him it was time for sleep.

“As much as this is _so_ much fun for me, I’m going to head to bed.”

Rafael nodded. “I think the same goes for me.” And then the older man did something totally unexpected. He twisted his head, side to side, cracking his neck. “My spine is out of alignment thanks to Sonny’s ancient automobile.”

On that note, Rafael stood up, flashed Sonny a quick smile, thanked Gina and Bella for providing him with months of mockery fuel, and made his way upstairs.

The whole time, all Sonny could think of was Rafael cracking his neck.

  
  


Sonny knocked on the door, his heart thumping wildly. He could have had this entirely wrong, and it could be a horrible mistake, given his family sleeping just down the hall. But the possibility was to great to resist, so he wrapped his bathrobe a little tighter around himself, and he waited.

“Come in,” he heard through the door. He took a deep breath, and stepped through.

Rafael was curled up on the bed in nothing but a loose, grey t-shirt and black boxer briefs. His reading glasses were perched on the edge of his nose, as he read from his e-reader.

“Sonny, anything wrong?” he asked, glancing at him over his bifocals.

With a cheeky grin that he hoped covered up his nerves, he undid the bathrobe to reveal his briefs and bare chest.

“I just thought maybe you wanted to-” his attempt at seduction was cut off by Rafael laughing.

“Oh god, Sonny,” he breathed out in between laughs. “Are you seriously hitting on me?”

“I thought you - you did the neck crack thing!”

Rafael shook his head, still laughing. “Yeah, because your car has the most uncomfortable seats ever.”

“But it’s your tell, your whole ‘sex is like cracking your neck’ thing,” he argued, purely out of embarrassment.

“Sonny if I wanted sex every time I cracked my neck, I’m pretty sure I would be considered a nymphomaniac.”

He considered that for a moment, before trying a different tactic. He sat on the edge of the bed, and leaned in slightly.

“I just figured, after the break up and everything…”

Rafael rolled his eyes and removed his glasses, placing them on the bedside table. “The last thing I need right now is sex, I just need… I just need a friend,” he admitted, averting his gaze.

It hit Sonny then. Rafael needed someone to be there for him, not physically, but emotionally. Despite himself, Sonny realised he wanted to be that person. So he flashed Rafael a sincere, yet wicked grin.

“I can do that.”

  
  


Even though he was definitely an adult, with a driven career and a Manhattan apartment, he still felt like a teenager every time he got drunk in his parents’ home. So as he and Rafael shared a bottle of wine in bed, their legs stretched out in front of them, shoulder to shoulder, talking about anything and everything, he felt young and free. He drained the last of his glass, and noticed a mischievous glint in Rafael’s eyes.

“What?” he asked warily, as Rafael reached for his phone and started typing something in.

“Oh, nothing. Just thought we could do with some music.” Sonny almost believed him, until a familiar guitar riff played quietly through the speakers, and Rafael’s lips curled into a devilish smirk.

“Come on, seriously?” he groaned, throwing his head back in shame.

“What? I just know you like Nirvana _so_ much.” If he was aiming for innocent, he was absolutely failing.

“Alright, but just know I will be holding this against you,” he snapped back, yanking the phone out of his hands and switching the music off.

For a brief moment their eyes met, Rafael’s warm and playful, Sonny’s filled with fake annoyance. They then burst out laughing, drunk off wine and good conversation. Rafael dropped his head to rest on Sonny’s shoulder as they finally calmed down.

It was so familiar, and so natural for them, but he couldn’t help but notice his breathing become more shallow, and his heart rate speed up ever so slightly.

“I’m glad I met you,” Rafael murmured.

Sonny turned his head slightly and smiled into Rafael’s dark hair. “Me too.”

Rafael’s hand reached up slowly, and Sonny tracked the movement, his eyes widening more and more as the hand reached his bathrobe and pulled it, exposing his chest just a little bit more. Sonny turned to Rafael, only to see wide green eyes staring up at him. Their lips hovered over each other, so close he could feel Rafael’s hot breath over him. The older man ran his tongue over his bottom lip, and tentatively stroked a single finger across Sonny’s chest.

His heart was pounding against his ribs now. He swallowed thickly.

“I thought you said-”

“I know what I said,” Rafael whispered.

This could be a mistake. This was a mistake. But when Rafael’s lips captured his own, and his long bronze fingers spread across his chest, Sonny felt it was right.

He lifted a hand to the back of Rafael’s neck, pressing their lips closer together, craving the intimacy that he had been missing. They broke apart, and Sonny searched Rafael’s perfect green eyes for a sign to stop. Instead the older man leaned in and softly bit his lower lip, causing him to moan softly at the sensation.

A wild hunger had him pressing his lips roughly against Rafael’s, earning a surprised moan from the older man. Over and over, kissing and licking into Rafael’s mouth, gripping the back of his neck tightly. In the back of his mind he feared if he let go, it would end. And he _really_ didn’t want this to end. He could spend the whole night in this moment, kissing Rafael, breathing him in like he gave Sonny life.

He nearly pulled away. He nearly ripped his lips from Rafael’s, ready to face the consequences. But then Rafael was moving, lifting a leg over Sonny’s hips until he sat on top, straddling him, grinding his hips down, never breaking their connection.

His hands desperately reached under Rafael’s shirt, seeking that skin to skin contact that drove him wild. He dug his nails along Rafael’s back, causing the older man to grind down hard and moan deeply into his mouth. Then his lips were off Sonny’s, and he was able to take a deep breath as Rafael ripped his shirt off. Sonny gently ran his fingers over Rafael’s body, caressing every curve and muscle with the care and affection he deserved.

Desire clouded his senses and in one swift movement, he wrapped his arms around Rafael’s thick form and flipped them, positioning himself between Rafael’s legs. He hurriedly leant back on his knees to rip the robe off, before leaning over the older man.

Normally their trysts were rushed, frantic, a means to an end. They enjoyed each other, and pleased each other, but they never really took the time to appreciate each other. In the soft, warm light however, Rafael had never looked more beautiful. The golden hues complimented his bronze skin, and illuminated the amber flecks in his eyes. Sonny ran a feather light touch down Rafael’s jaw, down the slope of his neck, until his hand rested over his heart. Thumping, just as hard as Sonny’s own.

With renewed fervour, he captured Rafael’s lips with his own again, grinding his hips down, searching for the friction to bring them both pleasure.

His hands gripped and clawed, marking Rafael beautifully, just as his lips did the same, leaving purple love bites across his broad chest. He knew Rafael’s nipples were sensitive, so he spent extra time there, flicking and nipping and tweaking with his fingers, relishing in the hissing gasps and choked moans.

He scrambled for the lube and condoms he had brought in anticipation, and if Rafael was going to say anything about his assumption, he wisely chose not to.

With a strong grip on Rafael’s hip, he entered a single slick finger slowly inside Rafael, the tight heat overwhelming him. He knew Rafael could take more, so with a tender kiss on the inside of his thick thigh, he gently entered another finger, burying his nose into Rafael’s leg as the older man gasped at the welcomed intrusion. By the time Sonny was three fingers deep, stretching and crooking, hitting that perfect spot that had Rafael panting and begging, he was rock hard and ready to sink into the beautiful man.

With locked eyes, and a deep breath, he entered Rafael, biting his lip to hold back from moaning at the top of his lungs. Rafael’s mouth was slack and open, and Sonny took a perfect opportunity to sloppily steal a kiss as he slowly began to thrust inside the older man.

Sweaty limbs intertwined as Sonny hooked his arms under Rafael’s shoulders, gripping and pulling him closer with each powerful thrust, their eyes locking onto each other. He couldn’t look away. He didn’t want to look away. He wanted to watch those beautiful green eyes widen and clench shut with each new angle and soft moan. He wanted to gaze at those perfect, plump lips as they opened with every gasp, showing Sonny exactly how well he was doing. He wanted to _see_ Rafael, in all his beauty and perfection.

Rafael’s moans were getting louder, his hips thrusting back against Sonny’s own, erratic as he chased his own climax. Sonny captured his moans with a passionate kiss, taking great pleasure in the vibrations of the deep humming. He could feel Rafael tighten and clench, a sign that he was so close. Sonny thrust harder, and deeper, and pierced Rafael’s eyes with his own. He could feel his own release building, and he pounded roughly into Rafael, his own soft moans escaping.

With a final thrust, and a whispered “Sonny” over his lips, they came together, eyes holding onto each other, and fingers digging in, a perfect combination of pleasure and pain.

  
  


When Sonny’s eyes flicked open, the room was dark. All he could feel was a warm body pressed against him, and an arm loosely draped over his hips. It felt… intimate.

His heart pounded, and a sick churning feeling took over his stomach.

He gently placed his hand over Rafael’s arm, and removed it from his body. The cool air hit his skin as he left the bed, and he had half a mind to curl back into Rafael’s arms, where it was warm and comfortable.

Instead, he wrapped his robe around his body, and quietly slipped out of the room.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah here we are, The Angsties, aka: my bread and butter.
> 
> Hope you've been enjoying these guys be idiots so far, because it's about to get a whole lot worse.
> 
> Kudos/comments are always appreciated!

Rafael awoke to sore limbs, a full heart, and an empty bed. He reached a hand out to where Sonny had been sleeping, only to be met with the cool sheets. He realised Sonny must have left soon after they had held each other and wordlessly drifted to sleep.

He wished it didn't hurt so much.

The stinging heat of the shower did nothing to lessen his pain, so he opted for stamping his feelings down. It was the long weekend after all, and it was definitely going to be long if he spent his time moping around.

As he stepped downstairs, a familiar smell hit him. Bacon, eggs, toast, the makings of a delicious breakfast. Sure enough when he entered the dining room, the whole Carisi family was seated serving up their meals.

“Rafael,” Bella called out, spotting him. “Here, you can take my seat.”

She left her chair with a knowing smirk on her face, sliding over one, so he had to sit next to Sonny. Rafael didn't want to cause a scene, so he gently lowered himself into the chair, noticing Sonny's tense shoulders and averted gaze.

Breakfast passed pleasantly enough, however there was no mistaking the tension between them, particularly when their elbows bumped against each other and Sonny flinched away instantly.

  
  


Rafael wasn't going to mention anything. He wasn't going to try and talk to the younger man, who was now avoiding him like the plague. He was going to make pleasantries with Sonny's eccentric cousins, drink his wine, and hopefully at least enjoy the fireworks.

They had both needed the night before. Rafael had needed the soft touch of someone he knew cared about him. Sonny, he thought, needed to be grounded in ecstasy. They had been exactly what the other needed, as they always were with sex.

And yet, something had been different. There had been a certain tenderness that was both surprising and comforting. There was no frantic scrambling for pleasure, rather something unnamed that kept them holding on, long after they had both climaxed.

He wasn't going to say anything.

But from his spot in the corner of the Carisi's backyard, he noticed something. Sonny and his father, having a muttered argument. He couldn't hear the words, but he could see the crimson flush of embarrassment creep up the back of Sonny's neck. Just as he began to wonder if someone should intervene, Dom stormed off into the house, leaving Sonny standing next to the barbecue. Despite everything unspoken going on between them, Rafael felt himself pulled towards Sonny, fuelled by a desire to comfort and console.

“Hey Sonny,” he said, hopefully soothingly, stepping towards the younger man as if he were a wild beast in need of taming. “Need a hand?”

“Fairly certain you've never stepped near one of these in your life.” Normally the soft jabs at each other were playful, but there was an air of bitterness in Sonny's tone that stung his heart.

“Perhaps,” he simply said, sipping his wine to wash down the choking feeling creeping up his neck.

He really wasn't going to say anything.

“Sonny… you never told me about your Dad having Alzheimer's.”

Sonny scoffed, taking a large gulp of his beer as he turned his attention back to the food. “Not much to say.”

“It can't be easy-”

“I don't want to talk about it,” he gritted out.

A flash of anger pulsed through his body.

“Is this about last night? Is that why you're being such an ass right now?”

Sonny's eyes widened as he whipped his head up to meet Rafael's gaze.

“Last night? That was just sex, it didn't mean anything.”

There it was. There it was clear as day, exactly how Sonny felt about him.

“Right. Of course.”

“I'm going to get another beer,” he mumbled, pushing past Rafael's shoulder as he made his way inside. Instantly a Carisi cousin took over the cooking duties, and although he was surrounded by people, Rafael felt entirely alone.

  
  


He wasn't going to chase after Sonny. He wasn't going to confront him over what was happening between them. He really wasn't going to.

But his feet and his heart had a life of their own, and they were leading him inside the house to do exactly what he wasn't going to do.

He was about to search the living room when voices stopped him.

“So you're seriously not dating him,” a voice he recognised as Teresa's asked.

Rafael knew he shouldn't listen. But a small part of him, a small powerful part of him, wondered if Sonny might tell Teresa something different. Maybe something that Rafael was hoping to hear. What that was, he wasn't sure, but his heart was beating wildly and he was overcome with a desire to know, so he remained in the hallway.

“I'm seriously not dating him, can we please just drop it?” Sonny sounded defensive.

“But you want to be.”

Silence. All Rafael could hear was his heart thumping.

“No, I don't.”

“You know last night, I needed a drink of water. I saw something interesting.”

“Spit it out, Teresa,” he groaned, and Rafael could hear the sound of someone - probably Sonny - dropping onto the couch.

“You were leaving his room in the middle of the night.” Rafael's heart was beating like crazy. “Anything you wanna tell me, Sonny?”

“God, this is worse than an interrogation,” the younger man muttered to himself. “Look, we're just friends, but occasionally we sleep together. That's it.”

More silence. Rafael nearly took this as his cue to either reveal himself or walk away.

“That's not it.” Rafael's stomach dropped. “You're not that stupid, surely you can see it.”

“See what?” Sonny half-shouted, clearly annoyed. Rafael nearly screamed it out himself.

“That you two are clearly perfect for each other,” Teresa stated, as if it were that simple and easy. It wasn't though. Was it?

Sonny's harsh laughter cut through his thoughts. “Wow, Teresa, you've got this all wrong. For starters, as I've said a thousand times, we are _just friends._ And more importantly, no one is perfect for Rafael. No one could handle that level of crazy, even Magnum P.I. couldn't figure out all the shit going through his head.”

There were more words said. More arguing and the sound of someone storming upstairs. Rafael heard none of it. All he could hear was the thumping of his own heart. All he could feel was a sick bile threatening to reach his throat. And all he could do was clench his jaw and fight back tears and figure out what to do next.

  
  


His first plan of action was to storm into the kitchen and pour himself another glass of wine, throwing it all back in three large, painful gulps. Out of the corner of his eye, he spotted Teresa making her way back outside. He watched through the window as she plastered a smile on her face, and joined the family. Sonny's family. They all looked so happy and Rafael couldn't burden them with the pain of what he had overheard.

So he practically ran upstairs to start step two.

Packing was easy. Although Sonny had disagreed, he had packed fairly lightly for a weekend trip.

It took exactly three minutes and ten seconds to shove everything he had brought into his overnight case.

It took around five minutes for him feel ready to step out into the hallway and actually leave.

Because, despite everything, a part of him didn't want to leave. A part of him wanted to unpack, walk downstairs, and pretend nothing had happened. To play nice with Sonny, and spend the weekend in his company, just how it should have been.

He glanced out the window to see the sun had started setting, casting a warm orange hue through the bedroom.

He wanted to stay.

But his head was replaying Sonny's words, over and over again.

_No one is perfect for Rafael._

He threw the bedroom door open, suitcase in hand, ready to leave. Instead he nearly bumped headfirst into Sonny himself.

“Whoa, hey you're-” the younger man started, but something caught his eyes. Rafael's suitcase. “You going somewhere?”

Rafael steeled his expression and straightened his back. He would not show how hurt he was.

“Yes, I've been called in for a case. SVU needs me to get a warrant,” he coolly lied.

If he was in the business of torturing himself, he would have almost believed the disappointment in Sonny's eyes.

“Really? They couldn't get anyone else to do that?”

“No,” he replied, pushing past Sonny to make his escape. He should have known the younger man would follow.

“Do you have to leave now?” he asked as they stepped down the stairs. “Surely it can wait till after dinner.”

“No, they need me immediately. Plus my uber is waiting.” He tried to open the front door, but one of Sonny's pale hands stopped the door from opening.

“You're getting an uber back to Manhattan? Really?”

Rafael glared at the door, at Sonny's hand. “Yes, and it's waiting.”

“Barba, that's-”

He lifted his chin high, meeting Sonny's confused, almost hurt, gaze. He then planted a sweet, sickeningly fake smile on his lips.

“Sonny, I really do have to be going.”

With not another word, he ripped the door opened and stormed out, ignoring Sonny's protests.

  
  


By the time the uber reached Manhattan, the sun had set. Rafael stared up at the night sky, as fireworks exploded above him, lighting the city up with vibrant colours and sounds. He gripped onto his suitcase tightly, wishing he could see the stars.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh god guys, I'm sorry, they have to be foolish idiots for a bit longer because I'm a sucker for angst
> 
> Kudos/comments are always appreciated!

Sonny had hoped to bump into Rafael at work, which had always been easy to do before. However it was as if Rafael could sense when Sonny was nearby, as he was never able to catch the man. He tried checking in directly at Rafael's office, but he was turned away every time by a particularly cold Carmen.

He even tried texting, something Rafael loathed, in an attempt to reach the older man. But all he got was silence.

He deserved it, to an extent. He knew he had been rude to Rafael, especially after the night they had shared. But he didn't think Rafael would take it so hard, to the point that he ignored Sonny for weeks.

  
  


_Saw the guy who drew our caricature in the park this morning. He asked how you were. It'd be nice if I knew how to answer that._

His latest text, a little snarky, but hopefully enough to at least guilt Rafael into replying.

“Sonny?” Bella's voice nearly made him jump in his office chair.

“Bella, what are you doing here?”

She gave him a small smile, lifting up a paper bag.

“Figured I'd drop off some lunch while I was in the area.”

He almost turned her away, until his stomach growled, betraying him. With a satisfied grin, she dropped into the chair opposite him and handed over the bag.

Salami sandwich.

He fought to ignore the last time he had one of those.

“So,” he asked as he took his first bite, eyeing his little sister suspiciously. “You were just in the area, huh?”

Instantly she caved.

“Teresa sent me. She's worried about you.”

Sonny scoffed and shook his head. “Right, well, I'm fine.”

Bella wasn't quite as much of a force as his older sisters, but when she gave him a classic Carisi stare, he instinctively flinched.

“Sonny. What happened with Rafael?”

The sound of the other man's name caused his heart to simultaneously swell and crack.

“Nothing, he just - it didn't work out.”

Bella gave him a beautiful, knowing smile.

“You know, if there's something I've learned over the years with Tommy, it's this… it's not about who you spend your Friday nights with. It's who you want to spend Saturday morning with. If you've got that, then you’ve gotta hold onto it.”

Her words rang true in his ears, long after she said her goodbyes and left.

It was with these words pounding over and over again, that prompted him to try calling Rafael again.

He expected it to ring.

Instead it ran straight to voicemail.

He waited for the sound of Rafael's voice to stop instructing him on leaving a message.

“Raf, seriously? You're sending me straight to voicemail?” He was about to continue his rant, when a thought struck him.

He hung up and nearly ran out of the office, knowing exactly where Rafael would be.

  
  


Sonny had forgotten just how beautiful the view from the rooftop was, though it certainly looked different in the daylight.

He scanned the roof, searching for Rafael until he saw the familiar figure.

“Rafael,” he called out as he approached, making sure to stop a few feet away. Somehow he felt Rafael wouldn't appreciate the closeness Sonny had grown accustomed to.

He didn't turn around to face him, instead tilted his head towards Sonny.

“How did you find me?”

“I tried calling, it went straight to voicemail. No cell reception,” he recalled. Rafael just nodded, understanding. “You've been ignoring my calls.”

“Thought you would get the hint.”

Sonny tried, he _really_ tried, to not lash out. But Rafael was being petulant and he truly didn't think he deserved it.

“Is this because I left? Because I didn't stay and cuddle? Last time I checked Rafael, I'm not your boyfriend, I'm your friend.”

Nothing could have prepared him for the sight of the older man turning around, tense and full of rage.

“Friend? That's what you're going with, Sonny? Gee, I'm sorry, I guess I thought no one could handle this level of crazy.” Sonny recognised those words. He recognised them, and a wave of shame washed over him. “You know, Magnum P.I. couldn't solve the shit going on in my head!”

Sonny didn't know what to say. He didn't know how to make this right. But he did know that all he could do was try.

“Rafael, I'm-”

“Don't you dare apologise.”

For a moment, he couldn't work out what Rafael was going to do. He looked as if he might slap him, or keeping shouting, or kiss him.

Instead he stepped close, his eyes filled with pain and disgust.

“Thanks for ruining my rooftop,” he muttered, forcing Sonny to see just how hurt he was.

Then he shoved his shoulder into Sonny's, leaving him alone on the roof, wondering how it had all gone so wrong.

 

*******

 

Two hours he had spent ignoring Rita's calls.

Two hours of checking his phone, rolling his eyes and hanging up.

Apparently two hours was his limit on holding off Rita, so when she called for what felt like the thousandth time, he finally answered.

“Rita, my god, what could possibly be so-”

_“What did you do?”_

Rafael sighed. “I'm not sure I know what you mean.”

 _“This morning I'm talking to one of the senior partners, who happens to be bragging about something relevant to our mutual interests,”_ she began, with something he couldn't quite place in her voice.

“The point, Rita. Get to it.”

_“Apparently one of our former up-and-comers has decided to return to the dark side.”_

Rafael attempted to decipher what she meant, and when he did, his hands started to shake.

“He's leaving?”

_“So again, I ask; what did you do?”_

“I've got to go.”

Before she could respond, he hung up and pinched the bridge of his nose with his fingers, trying to figure out what to do.

  
  


Normally he would at least knock before entering Sonny's office.

This was not a normal encounter however.

“You're leaving?” he started the second he burst through the door.

Sonny's head lifted, his eyes widened, and he tensed instantly.

“I'm sorry?”

Rafael let out an incredibly fake laugh. “Oh don't play innocent, it's unbecoming. You're going back to the firm.”

Realisation flashed on Sonny's face, followed by pure annoyance.

“Rita told you.”

“I can't believe-” he started, unsure of exactly where to start. “You know, I stuck my neck out to get you this job.”

“I took one meeting, Barba. That's it.”

“And you couldn't tell me?” The question slipped out before he could stop it, and he realised that's what hurt the most. That Sonny didn't tell him.

The younger man’s eyes sparked with anger.

“That would imply we're friends, something you're adamant we aren't.”

And just like that, everything Sonny had said about him came flooding back, and the familiar flush of rage began to take over.

“That’s right, we aren't. Because friends don't say shit like you did, behind each other's backs. Which makes sense in this case, because it means we were _never_ friends. You just wanted an easy fuck,” he spat. A traitorous part of him prayed it wasn't true.

“Oh sure, Rafael. Yeah, I was just using you for an easy lay. Let's just forget about how I told you things I had never told another person. How I invited you to _meet my family_ , which I have never done with anyone, ever. No, that's exactly what you were, just an easy fuck.” He could hear the sarcasm dripping through every word, as a confusing wave of thoughts flooded his mind.

When a decent response refused to come to mind, he chose silence instead, storming out of the office.

  
  


Dinner with Lucia was always a blessing and a curse. He did enjoy catching up with his mother, however she happened to love interfering in his life just as much as she loved hearing about it.

“So, Rafi,” she began midway through their meal, using a tone that told Rafael he was about to be interrogated. “Where are you at with settling down?”

He sighed, gently placing his cutlery against the plate.

“Would 'nowhere close’ suffice as an answer?”

She gave him an amused smirk. “It would not. Would you be willing to listen to some advice?”

He sipped his scotch, contemplating where this was going.

“I'll listen. Whether or not I take it on board is another story.”

Instead of smirking, this time she gave him a serious stare.

“Rafael, ever since you were younger you've been waxing lyrical about finding your perfect man. Frankly, I think with everything that happened with your father, you were trying to overcompensate.” He opened his mouth to argue back, to end the psychoanalysis his mother was providing, but she shut him down with nothing but a look. “You were. My advice is, you shouldn't be looking for some impossible perfect man that you can put on a pedestal. You need a partner, someone you can take on the world with.”

And with that, she drained the last of her glass of wine, and returned to her meal.

Someone to take on the world with.

He shook his head slightly.

The closest he had ever come to that, he had pushed away with no hope of getting him back.

The scotch his sipped was delicious, but Rafael found himself wishing he had the familiar taste of beer on his lips, kissed into his mouth from a familiar pair of lips. He wished he had blue eyes on him, joyous and caring. He wished he had Sonny.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AND WE ARE DONE.  
> I think this was probably my favourite chapter to write. I love Dominick Carisi Sr. SO MUCH.
> 
> So many thanks go to keraunoscopia and tobeconspicuous for their ongoing support while writing this. It means the world to me. 
> 
> Those of you who have been reading for chapter one, I hope this is a good enough ending!
> 
> Kudos/comments are always appreciated!

Driving back to Staten Island brought a lot emotions up, most of which Sonny really didn't want to try and decipher.

But no matter how much he tried to focus on the road, the traffic, the radio, _anything_ that could take his mind off the words that had plagued him for weeks, nothing worked.

_Hold onto it._

The familiar drive sparked memories of the last time he had been in his car, on this trip. Of fighting over radio stations with Rafael, and arguing case law, and cursing the horrendous drivers that nearly wiped them out.

A feeling he couldn't place gripped his heart, holding on tight until he arrived at his family home.

As he was about to knock on the door, he finally put a name to the feeling… regret.

  


Lasagna and red wine, the Carisi tradition, distracted Sonny from his inner torment for a while. After weeks of phone calls, which always resulted in Sonny either changing the subject or hanging up, his sisters appeared to have agreed that they shouldn't bring up what had happened anymore. So dinner passed smoothly, with everyone in good spirits. It helped that his father seemed to be having a clear night, even remembering that Sonny was in Manhattan now.

Sonny took over the washing up duties, ordering his sisters to relax in the living room, which they gleefully followed through with, taking a bottle of red wine and giggling the whole time.

“Sonny,” his father's voice sounded from behind him. Sonny glanced over his shoulder to see him leaning against the entryway to the kitchen. “Follow me.”

Sonny turned to the unwashed dishes in front of him, and before he could protest, his father was stepping outside.

He followed, until they were standing in the backyard, surrounded by darkness bar the lights inside the house casting a warm light over them.

“Everything alright, Pops?”

His father wistfully smiled. “Your mother would be proud of you.”

Sonny chewed on the inside of his cheek, staring at his shoes.

“I know.”

“She-” he started softly. Sonny looked up to see his father gazing up into the night sky. “We met young. Our youth, unfortunately, meant we were idiots.” They both laughed a similar laugh, fond and hearty.

“Sounds about right.”

“We broke up and got back together more times than you could imagine, son.”

“So that's where Bella gets it from,” he weakly joked, unsure of where this was going.

“Must be,” he murmured, staring back at the stars. “But we always managed to find our way back together, as you probably could tell.”

“Four kids, Pops. Pretty big clue.”

“When she-” he choked out, lowering his gaze to the ground, and Sonny could feel the tears prickle his eyes. If there was one thing he could not handle, it was seeing his father cry. “When she passed, I had to face the fact that we wouldn't find our way back together for a long time. And I found myself looking back on our younger years and wishing we hadn't been so stupid. I wished we had pulled our heads out of our asses and just been there, together, as it should have been.”

“You had so many years together though,” he reassured.

His father nodded quickly. “I know that. But Sonny… I'm losing her. All over again. Some days she's there, in my mind, as clear as day. Then some days I see the looks in your eyes, and I know that I lost her again.”

Once again he looked to the sky, an action Sonny now realised was his father trying to get back to his mother. So he looked up to the stars as well, searching for an answer to his pain.

“Life is short, Sonny. Shorter than you realise. Shorter than I ever thought possible.” His father placed one of his hands on Sonny's shoulder, an act that reminded him of a time when he was a child. A time where his mother would be in the kitchen, preparing dessert for him and his sister's, and he would be gazing up at his father, who was a superhero in his mind. He stared at his father now, who was still searching the stars, and even though he no longer saw the man through the eyes of a child, he still saw him as a superhero. His hero.

“Dad, I think I really messed up.”

His father looked down at him, and Sonny felt he was almost looking into his future.

“With Rafael?”

His heart fluttered at the name, as it had done since he first heard it from the prosecutor's lips.

He nodded. “He won't even talk to me. Any time we do, we just end up fighting.”

“Sounds like it wasn't just Bella who got that from us.”

He huffed out a laugh. “Must be a Carisi thing.”

“Is what you and Rafael have - is it worth fighting for?”

Sonny had never asked himself that. Though if he was being honest with himself, he had been questioning it since the moment they met.

“Yes. Yeah, it is.”

His father's hand gripped his shoulder a little tighter, a reassurance. They both lifted their blue eyes to the stars.

“Then you go and fix it.”

 

*******

 

Rafael held the phone to his ear, already regretting his agreeance to this. The park he stood in was bringing back a lot of memories, both good and bad. Memories of an arm resting over his shoulder, and manipulative hazel eyes, and posing for caricatures.

He didn't really want to be there, but when Lucia Barba decided on something, there was no turning back.

“Mami, it is five o'clock, where on earth are you?”

 _“Almost there, Rafi,”_ she casually said, as if he had all day.

He bit back the groan he felt bubbling. “You've been saying that for five minutes.”

 _“Don't get smart with me,”_ she scolded. _“Ah, turn around.”_

He let out a dramatic sigh, spinning on the spot to search for his mother.

“ _Finally,_ now can we-” he started, but the next words were caught in his throat. People were walking by, families and tourists, and all Rafael could see were perfect pink lips, and hopeful blue eyes.

_“Tell him my warning still stands. Hurt you again, and he will have me to face.”_

And before Rafael could splutter his answer into the phone, before he could demand an explanation, she had hung up.

Sonny tentatively stepped closer to him.

“Hi,” was all he said.

“What are you doing here?”

Sonny chuckled, almost fondly if Rafael were willing to believe it.

“Straight to the point, eh Barba?” When Rafael didn't respond, the younger man took a deep breath. “I was an asshole.”

“You were.”

He took another step forward. “I was an asshole, and a dick to you, and-”

“You were,” he repeated, his heart pounding in his chest. This was going either one of two ways, and by god he hoped it was the one he had been praying for.

“ _And_ ,” he pressed on. “You didn't deserve that. You didn't deserve the insults I threw out, or the way I talked behind your back, and I feel like a teenager talking about it like this, but I guess it's fitting because I was an immature brat and-"

“I feel there's an apology somewhere in the middle of this self-deprecation.”

This time Sonny let out a full blown laugh, his dimples lighting up Rafael's heart beautifully.

“Yeah, yeah, I'm getting to it. Rafael, I'm sorry. For everything. There aren't enough apologies in the world to make up for what I did, but just know that I mean every single one.”

Rafael wasn't sure when Sonny had moved forward enough to tower over him. He wasn't sure when his hands had been held by thin, pale ones, and he wasn't sure when they had been lifted to Sonny's chest, gripping on tight as if Rafael might run away.

The fear perhaps wasn't misplaced, as he did have half a mind to rip himself from Sonny's grasp and never see the younger man again.

But it was overshadowed.

Overshadowed by his heart, which was screaming the truth.

“Sonny, maybe we-”

“Rafael, I'm not looking for anything you don't want. I could walk away right now, if you wanted it. We could never have sex again, if you wanted it.”

He swallowed. “What do you want?”

Those dimples were on full display as Sonny smiled beautifully, full of hope.

“I want my best friend back, as corny as that sounds-”

“It sounded pretty corny.”

“But it's true.”

Beneath his hands, still being pressed to Sonny's chest, he could feel his heart pounding. He could see those blue eyes wide with worry, and in that moment he knew exactly what he wanted. What he had wanted from the moment he had laid his eyes upon those lips quirked into a smirk, and those eyes sparkling with amusement.

He tilted his head up, letting his breath shudder over Sonny's lips.

“You can do better than just friends,” he whispered, the only warning he gave before his lips were on Sonny's, saying everything that needed to be said.

It was a different kiss, something more intimate and telling than any they had ever shared.

When they broke apart, it was only to wrap their arms around each other, holding each other close, the rest of the world fading to nothing.

“You know Rafael,” Sonny murmured after a while, bringing them out of their moment. “That was a really bad line.”

He pulled his head from Sonny's chest.

“Excuse me?”

“'You can do better than friends,’ what the hell is that supposed to mean?”

Rafael scowled as Sonny fought a shit-eating grin.

“You want to end this before we've even started?” he threatened, though the look in Sonny's eyes told him he didn't believe him.

“You know, if this is something we're only just starting, that means we've never been on a date.”

Rafael opened his mouth to give Sonny a witty remark, or a fond insult, but he was distracted by Sonny letting go of him and getting onto one knee.

“Oh god, Sonny no, what are you-”

“Relax Raf, it's not that,” he assured, straightening his back and clearing his throat. “Rafael, would you go on a first date with me?”

“Will it get you off the ground?”

“Yes,” he grinned.

“Then absolutely,” he answered, yanking Sonny off the ground by his arm.

Rafael was going to start walking, side-by-side with Sonny, but he stopped for a moment. He let his eyes linger over Sonny's form, appreciating what he had wanted for so long, and what he now had permission to have. He brushed a stray grey hair of Sonny's behind his ear, enjoying the slight blush of the younger man’s cheeks.

“So, dinner?” Sonny asked, offering a hand.

Rafael linked his fingers with Sonny's, leading them along the path through the park.

“Did you really rope my mother into getting me here?”

“Yes, she was terrifying, but she helped.”

Rafael laughed openly and heartily, a laugh reserved for Sonny and Sonny alone.

As they made their way to their first date, and the sun began to set, Rafael gazed up at his best friend, and wondered just how he managed to get so lucky. When Sonny glanced down at him, his eyes filled with love, he had suspected Sonny felt the same way.


End file.
